Friday, February 6, 2009

ThInGs YOu dON't ThiNk oF

In this world some people find things very interesting and others find the same thing dull or heartless.  Everyday you think you know somebody, but then you come to find out what you thought was true about him or her was not.  I just recently found out that my sister had abortion.  Now do not jump to conclusions. 

Six years ago my niece was born; Mackenzie.  She was able to carry MacKenzie with no issues; however, after she was born she had some heart problems.  The problems resulted from the childbirth.   When she got pregnant this time she noticed something wrong.  She was getting heart cramp and was really sick. She would grab her chest she said “that it felt like somebody was stabbing her in the heart and was twisting the knife.” I would ask her if something was wrong, but she just looked at me and said, “NO nothing is wrong.”  Her voice was strong and fearful.  When she said it her voice trembled.  Sisters know when something is wrong. I knew something was wrong I just didn’t know what. She just thought it was morning sickness.  So that is what she told everybody, but I knew that she knew what was wrong.  She just didn’t tell anybody.  After the pain got unbearable she finally made appointment to see a cardiologist.

My sister and I are very close we can talk about everything.   When she went to the doctor’s appointment, which by this time she was about three and half months pregnant, he had to run a series of tests to find out if there was anything wrong with her heart.  She then had to wait an addition week to get the test results back. 

She called with some bad news about the tests she took.  She told me what the doctor said.  She told me that the doctor told her that she had a fifty percent of living if she went through the pregnancy.  He told her that once she had her first child her heart had gotten weak.  Since she was young when she had Mackenzie her heart was not able to take the stress of going through another pregnancy.  She was speechless.  Either she went through with the pregnancy and lived  or the worst case  she would die at childbirth and Mackenzie would not have a mother.  She could not be that selfish.  All she ever dreamed of was watching her child grow up and graduate high school and see her walk down the aisle.  Just like my mother watched her walk down the aisle.  She did not want her daughter to grow up with out a mother.

So the only option was to have an abortion.  My sister is a stay at home mother.  She told her husband about the news and he was so sad because he wanted a child of his own.   He is not MacKenzie’s biological father; however, he treats Mackenzie as his own. He was so upset that they could not have any other children, but he understood that there was not anything he could do for my sister or his unborn child.  He wants to live the rest of his life with my sister and if she has this child she may not make it. 

She called one day crying.  She was sobbing she was breathing so hard I could hardly understand what she was saying.  I never heard her sound do depressed. She told me that she had killed her baby.  She said that she had an abortion.  So I went to her house because I did not want her to go through it alone.  She said, “it was the worst pain that a woman could go through.” She said “it was worst then labor pain.”  She was heart broken.  She felt is not just her that she hurt, but her tiny little baby too. 

I tried to make her happy to smile.  I would make funny faces and we also would watch funny television shows. Nothing worked besides the time I talked about when I peed myself because she was walking down the stairs and she fell.  When I looked at her to make sure she was okay she still had her Pepsi in the air.  That’s her favorite drink and she wasn’t letting it go no matter what.  I got a smile. I tried to get her mind off her situation.  They say to be happy you are required to laugh sixteen times a day.  I could not make her laugh; all she could do was cry.  I told her that she did it for the best reason in the world; to ensure MacKenzie had a mother.  She had no choice.  The doctor said that she would always be a high-risk patient.  That she ever wanted to have a baby that she would have to be in the hospital everyday to check her heart rate, her blood pressure and the baby’s progress.

It made me so sad, but there is a part of me that was glad because I did not have to worry about her.  I rather have my sister then have a niece or a nephew.   I want to grow old with my sister and I want her to see me walk down the aisle.  I want to go to lunch when we are middle age adults.  I want to tell her about my stories and things that make me annoyed.  How could I have done that if she had this child and she had died?  I would have never forgiven myself if I had not let her know my thoughts.  If she did die then I could have saved her by just letting her know that if she had an abortion I would not hate her.   If you think I am selfish person for feeling this way, then call me selfish if won’t hurt my feelings. In this country everybody is entitled to his or her own opinion.  That’s what is so great about the United States; free will. 

 People are allowed to have abortions, are allowed to think what they want and allowed to speak what they want.  People tell you things that you want to hear.  I tell you things because they are true and you have a right to think I am a horrible person or my sister is. 


  1. Wow sorry to hear about the pain your sister had to endure. I truely understand what your sister went through and that is such a tough thing to go through, but at the same time she was thinking about the life of her living child. Even though she think she made a horrible choice it seem like it was the right think to do.

  2. I'm so sorry for your sister. I couldn't imagine having to make that choice. In the long run i guess thats what she had to do, but i couldn't even imagine the pain she is going through right now. Its a good thing your a good sister; she will probably need someone to talk to after going through that.

  3. i am sorry that ur had to go through that but at least she did not have to go through that alone